*insert witty title here*

...are we allowed to like Cradle of Filth again? I mean, in terms of the Metal Gestapo, who dictate what is and is not worthy of being considered, you know, "heavy"? Or "heavy enough". Or not too "mainstream". You know them, right? Well, fuck 'em. I heard a version of CoF's "HW2" recently, and really liked it. It has a far simpler approach than one might expect coming from Mr. Filth and whoever the hell was in his band the precise moment that song was recorded, which was actually a good thing. It almost--almost--puts me in mind of the Ramones or something. With the whole black/death/speed/whatever thing in tandem, of course. Although that's a pretty loose interpretation, I will admit. Still and all, I've picked up a couple of their albums for further listening...I've not heard a single damned note of their music since Cruelty and the Beast, which I liked well enow, but which didn't really grab me at the time, thus my appalling ignorance.

Deicide's "Stench of Redemption" should be out this coming week. Maybe. Probably. Possibly. Or not. Its rather hard to get a straight answer anywhere. I'll be on the lookout either way, and so should you.

Post Comments, Fucktards.

...this brilliant fucking shit doesn't write itself, you know.

Only Her CrossDresser Knows for Sure...

I have put my Phrenologist in contact with my Astrologer; together, they will determine the most auspicious day for my ice pick lobotomy. I can hardly wait!

So very many newsworthy things to discuss...I stopped by my local booksellers the other day and was surprised to see a table laden with what appeared to be the biography of some pre-op transexual anorexic, but it just turns out that Anne Coulter was able to pry her lips from around the neck of yet another Miller High Life long enow to dictate her latest hate-filled screed to some hapless assistant or another. Tell me, does anyone actually find this woman genuinely attractive, or do they merely pity her? It is my most sincere wish that she someday finds a kindly man who will introduce her to the wonders of a good cream rinse for her overprocessed mop and, ideally, three square meals a day. Perhaps it will even help her overcome that little personality issue of hers!

Zounds! I wasted an entire paragraph on...well, whatever it is. Such a shame.

I have been called upon once more to attend the weekly seance down at Zinnia McMartin's Feed Store. I cannot honestly say I look forward to it, as I will be forced to channel Gruh, the Omniversal Warrior King of All He Surveys, which is both taxing and somewhat disconcerting, as I am prone to wake up in bed with any number of the local ladies after a long weekend of possession. Thankfully, Gruh believes firmly in birth control, and failing that, has shown me a trick or two with a plain, common wire hanger. Stay tuned!

...so, three nuns walk into a bar...

...you'd think one of 'em woulda ducked, eh?

Ah, but another glorious couple of weeks of fucktardery have passed me by. One is so very proud to be a citizen of the United States these days. I understand our beloved leader, also know as the chimpanzee-in-chief, expressed to a German journalist his desire to see democracy flourish in the Fatherland. How...quaint. One does hope this doesn't mean we will be carpet-bombing them in the near future...

*sigh*.

In eny event, I didn't get up to bloggery simply so that I might bemoan the state of this great Republic, and so I assure you all that I shall not. Unfortunately, I've hardly done or seen anything worthy of note since last I posted, which rather limits my options...you might assume I have some rollicking story concerning the outhouse, a traveling flea circus and my idiot, feral sister up my sleeve, but alas! I have not. Or at least I am ill-prepared to regale you all with that story, as the pain is still so close to the surface. Ow.

I've been writing an epic poem to my truest and deepest beloved, who I fear has rather melodramatically taken up residence in an abandoned mineshaft until such time as I can prove to her my everlasting dedication. Does anyone have any suggestions for something that rhymes with the line "hammer yer creamy white ass like a freight train"?