My Scummy Valentine

The Crown Prince of Wachovia, having found himself at the mercy of a foul band of anti-royalist revolutionaries, rolled his great, bulging eyes back into his misshapen skull and emitted a sound something like a groan combined with a hiss, spraying his foul, fetid spittle in every direction. It should be noted, however, that this was not dissimilar to the manner in which he reacted to practically every and all his various interactions, thanks to generation after generation of inbreeding.

One of these days, I shall tell you all how it was, in fact, my very own Uncle Godfrey who invented a steam-powered fission device years before that bloody Einstein man even thought of atomic power...but not today. I would like to talk about the murders today, actually, but those damned city lawyers have made me swear not to discuss the case.

Having despaired of ever regaining the will to listen to music again after having bought the tripe Rob Zombie attempted to pass off as an album several weeks ago, I was pleasantly surprised by Lacuna Coil and Godsmack's recent releases. The Coil, having been much in the habit of changing their "sound" to one degree or another on every album release, has done so once again. "Karmacode" is quite bottom-heavy, an almost "sludgy" sound compared to its immediate predecessor, "Comalies". But this isn't a bad thing--its not my favorite of their albums, but it is very good, and is about as far as they could have gotten from attempting a more "commercial" release of 13 songs that sounded like "Swamped" and "Heaven's a Lie", which was my greatest fear.

Godsmack have also changed their sound, but I am not so sure about the success of their experiment. Their latest album barely features the tribal rhythms that underscored their first three full-length releases, which I daresay was their primary "hook". The album is not bad--I don't cringe at it like I do Zombie's latest--but it is quite different. I will have to listen to it rather more before I can fully articulate what is good (or bad) about it. While I realize Godsmack is far too mainstream to be considered worthy of a listen by lots of metal-head types, I still suggest that any of you who happen to like hard rock in general give this newest release a chance. Just for the hell of it. I've the notion they might have done something brilliant that I just don't fully appreciate. Yet.

'Course, I could be wrong...it could just plain suck.

Also bought Astarte and Arch Enemy albums, at the behest of some fiend or another who felt I needed to hear them. I...didn't. But I am willing to accept that maybe I didn't choose the best of their respective albums to buy. Anyone have any other suggestions?

I recently bought a Ford Focus ZTS for its magnificent gas mileage, but I fear I am rather out of place when compared to the typical driver of such a vehicle, being neither a single mother nor a body-waxed euroracer enthusiast. I get no small number of sideways looks at intersections, sitting in my wee sedan and blasting Dimmu Borgir at insane volume levels, let me tell you!