Only Her CrossDresser Knows for Sure...

I have put my Phrenologist in contact with my Astrologer; together, they will determine the most auspicious day for my ice pick lobotomy. I can hardly wait!

So very many newsworthy things to discuss...I stopped by my local booksellers the other day and was surprised to see a table laden with what appeared to be the biography of some pre-op transexual anorexic, but it just turns out that Anne Coulter was able to pry her lips from around the neck of yet another Miller High Life long enow to dictate her latest hate-filled screed to some hapless assistant or another. Tell me, does anyone actually find this woman genuinely attractive, or do they merely pity her? It is my most sincere wish that she someday finds a kindly man who will introduce her to the wonders of a good cream rinse for her overprocessed mop and, ideally, three square meals a day. Perhaps it will even help her overcome that little personality issue of hers!

Zounds! I wasted an entire paragraph on...well, whatever it is. Such a shame.

I have been called upon once more to attend the weekly seance down at Zinnia McMartin's Feed Store. I cannot honestly say I look forward to it, as I will be forced to channel Gruh, the Omniversal Warrior King of All He Surveys, which is both taxing and somewhat disconcerting, as I am prone to wake up in bed with any number of the local ladies after a long weekend of possession. Thankfully, Gruh believes firmly in birth control, and failing that, has shown me a trick or two with a plain, common wire hanger. Stay tuned!